I forgot to weigh this morning. Fail. I went to bed last night at like 6PM, so I know the weekend had drained me. Look for the weigh-in tomorrow, I promise!
Today, I’d like to share 300 pounds down with you. I know a lot of you already read Holly. If you don’t – you need to start reading Holly. She is a true inspiration. Her most recent post really struck home with me, and I encourage you to read through her blog if you have not.
“There is something else about my personality
Which has often contributed in life
To me throwing down the white flag
And giving up the fight
I HATE CONFRONTATION
I really do”
“And then I retreat
Back into my hole
Back into my safe place
Back into my recliner with the remote control
Where I imagine myself sinking into the chair
Becoming one with it
Where no one can see me
Where I’m invisible
And the stressors of the world
Can pass me by without harm”
At the dinner, she wasn’t outwardly rude to me, but she was rude. She ignored me, and when she did have to listen to something I was saying because I was the only person talking, she gave me the look of loathing that I could not even describe. Leaving the restaurant, she said her goodbyes to everyone but me. This was my first time meeting her, too.
Needless to say I was not looking forward to seeing her again. I dreaded it, actually. And let me be clear – when I showed up at that party she was still the same hateful woman. But I felt pity for her this time, not myself. And it was an amazing moment.
I no longer let other people have control over my feelings and how I feel about myself. Finally, if anyone is rude to me – I don’t first blame myself for being fat & unattractive. Now, I feel pity for them because they are such sad people. I went on to have a great time, even chatted her up as much as I could (I’ve come to realize she’s just a naturally hateful person, haha.)
I am no longer retreating to my hole. I know and value my self worth now, and that is a NSV that is worth its weight in gold.