So hubby and I sat down and had a huge heart to heart - about issues going on with ourselves and issues with us together - and I think it worked out well for me. I'm trying my hardest to focus on my issues.
I am working through a book that basically says I need to worry about my life, and let others live their own. I don't think that means not work on issues in a marriage, but I think that means instead of laying blame on someone else, I need to stop and evaluate what my contribution to the problem is, and fix my issues.
One of the other lightbulb moments for me in this book (which I will probably reveal at a later time - I need to work up the courage to share some things on my blog) was that no amount of control is going to help any situation. Control is a farce. We have no control over anything but ourselves. I can only fix what's wrong with me, and offer support to those who want to work through their own problems.
Anyway, being spontaneous is something I have learned recently that I need to work on. Actually I am not spontaneous at all. It's partly due to my weight issues, but I feel like if I have some control over what is happening or going to happen, I can manage. If I plan where I'm going, I can determine if I'll need to wear something to try and hide my fat, or if I need to avoid somewhere (hello, roller coasters) that I won't fit, or figure out the best place to stand so the least amount of people notice me (hello, social parties).
I am going to do one spontaneous activity this weekend, that is my plan. Baby steps!