Legacies & Bequests

This past week my husband and I finally sat down with our lawyer and created not only our living wills, but also our dead wills. It’s a hard thing to do, I’ve found, facing your mortality. However, there are two little people depending on us now.

It actually has refueled my fire to lose this weight. I hadn’t lost my previous fire, mind you, but I have gained more fuel. I would much rather be able to take out the guardians from my will in twenty years then have to rely on them.

A new study out shows women start to feel old at 29. (You men are different sorts; you don’t start to feel old until late 50’s.) I don’t know if I feel old at 30, but I definitely no longer feel that I am immortal. I no longer have that teenage ideal that I’m going to live forever. I think that’s part of the reason I started losing weight; I realize I can’t eat, eat, and eat and expect to live into my 80’s or 90’s.

I have to do this for myself, my kids, and my husband. I also want to use my 401k. J

Stuffing to Sedate

The other day at work (I’m quickly learning via this blog that we gab a lot at work.) we were discussing cravings. My friend had mentioned that she was craving ice cream. My other co-worker said she was craving cake. These are two very normal cravings. They turned to me, and asked me what I was craving. I tried to think about a particular food I was craving, I really did. However, the only thing that I kept coming back to was, “I am craving food.”

Food? What do you mean? I mean I crave food. It almost doesn’t matter what type of food it is. I crave mass quantities of food. “I want to eat until I get that full feeling in my stomach, then that quashes my craving.”

It’s sad, but it’s true. Because they are nice friends, they started thinking about the type of food I could do that with. “What about popcorn? Veggies? You could eat chicken like that.” The sad reality is I can’t do that.

I can’t eat until I’m satiated. In my mind I know that if I do, I’ll be giving into something weird psychological issues in me that will just open the door for mass quantities of bad food. Nope, there will be no binges! I’m sure somewhere in here I probably need to go to see a shrink to figure out why I want to eat until I’m sedated, but I’m on a debt reduction plan, people! No money for a food shrink because I’m already seeing my Dave Ramsey shrink, ha ha.

Oh yeah, I'm eating Chinese take-out tonight because of the basketball games. If that isn't a true test of resisting food binging, I don't know what is.